


The last time (every time)

by mkhhhx



Series: KiHyungwon Bingo 2018 [2]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Feelings, Fluff, Happy Ending, Insecurity, Kihyungwon Bingo, Light Angst, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-10
Updated: 2019-01-10
Packaged: 2019-10-07 23:05:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17374928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mkhhhx/pseuds/mkhhhx
Summary: Hyungwon almost gives up waiting for Kihyun.





	The last time (every time)

**Author's Note:**

> For the "Last Kiss" square.

When you’re a teen most things in your life seem and feel fixed, permanent. That’s the way Hyungwon perceived the world for so long. Growing up in his hometown, seeing the same people every day, having the same friends pretty much ever since he was born. He had nothing to complain about, because this, the steadiness, gave him a sense of comfort.

And when you’re a teen, things constantly change but at the same time you feel like nothing will ever change. Hyungwon ignored the white hairs on his father’s scalp and the lines forming on his mother’s face. He didn’t even think much about his brother leaving for the army or his friends who suddenly started smoking and drinking. Their small town remained the same.

Not many people left. Kids grew up and took over the family business. Life was simple like that. Hyungwon felt comfort knowing that one day he would sit where his father now was. That he would still be going out with the same people, maybe in the very same diners too. 

Kihyun was his reality check.

Kihyun who stood in front of him when school ended and told Hyungwon he had decided to leave for university. For four whole years and then some more. Who stayed the whole night talking at Hyungwon’s front porch and told him how excited he is. How excited he was to leave.

And when the sun rose up Kihyun kissed Hyungwon’s cheek and pecked his mouth and told him they’d make the most out of their summer together.

It was that summer when Hyungwon first felt like something was changing. Like he was slowly running out of time every time he and Kihyun went to the beach and kissed hidden behind the rocks. Every time he had to tell Kihyun goodnight. He was patiently waiting for it and at the same time begging for the moment to not come, his last goodbye and kiss before Kihyun left.

Because in Hyungwon’s mind, leaving for university was something so grand. A milestone that would change a person forever. And his Kihyun would never be the same after it. He would live in a big city and meet more boys and girls and party and would eventually forget Hyungwon.

“You idiot” Kihyun would cup his face every time Hyungwon would tell him all these and get too close to crying, “how can I forget you?”

“You will” Maybe it would be easier for both. To move on instead of waiting for each other, but Hyungwon would never admit that to himself.

“You’re unforgettable” Kihyun would yank him down for a kiss, “I’ll be back before you know it.”

That summer was strange. The hours tickled down so slowly but the days passed so fast. And a little after the first rains Hyungwon had to wake up early, put on his best smile to see Kihyun off at the train station.

And like all cliché teenage movies, Kihyun was Hyungwon’s first love, and he was his first heartbreak too.

 

 

Thankfully, Hyungwon’s last high school year was hectic. Enough to not think of Kihyun to the point of depressing himself. And despite all odds, Kihyun still called and messaged him and told Hyungwon he loved him late at nights.

In a sense, it was as if still nothing has changed, except for the fact that Hyungwon had nobody to walk around with no reason at all and nobody to banter over the silliest of things and kiss to make up after.

And they never really dated, never declared that they were into a relationship of any short, but to Hyungwon it still felt like they would eventually break up, inevitably. Because Kihyun would find someone better, someone who he could be physically close to. Someone aiming for a university degree instead of taking over the family business. And Hyungwon knew his parents didn’t have the money to send him off to university, damn, he himself wasn’t even interested in it, but sometimes he imagined himself there. Living at a small dorm apartment, going to classes, exploring a new city with Kihyun, because they already knew every corner at their hometown.

 

“You two” Jooheon tells him, huddled inside a café and trying to study for an exam, “I could never understand what, but you and Kihyun had something.”

Hyungwon looks up from his messy notes. Remembers how Kihyun would help them both with studying, make notes in his pretty tiny letters and scold them when they would drift off and start talking.

“We did.” He’s not sure he wants to have that talk with Jooheon. Or with anyone, because it feels like digging a wound he’s been trying to patch up so hard.

“Do you still do? I know you talk a lot.” Jooheon is a good friend, and he’s probably trying to help in his own way, trying to coax something out of Hyungwon.

Hyungwon just shrugs and returns to his notes. For the next two hours he doesn’t read a single line, his mind racing to Kihyun. And to that maybe, just maybe it’s not that bad as he think it is. Maybe Kihyun will return to him. And maybe, even if he won’t that will be okay for the both of them too. Maybe it’s time for Hyungwon to change his ways.

Half a year eventually passes. Kihyun finishes with his exams and his messages get more by the day.

“I’m coming back for winter break next week!” He tells Hyungwon on the phone happily. Like he’s been waiting for this for so long and Hyungwon can’t make any more excuses, because it truly seems like they have something. Like Kihyun really missed him. Like their last kiss might not be the last one forever.

Hyungwon goes to the train station with Kihyun’s parents, stress and anticipation pooling deep into his stomach. Maybe once Kihyun steps his foot on the ground their small city will be the same as always again.

The train stops on the station to let off the few passengers and Kihyun runs straight into his mother’s arms. Then, into Hyungwon’s.

 

 

The Kihyun standing before him is the same and yet, a different one. Hyungwon wonders if six months can make that much of a difference or if he has just forgotten how Kihyun really looked. His soft cheeks have given away to sharper lines, his body a little firmer, hair cut in a new way. But his eyes were still as gentle as ever.

Everyone seems comfortable with Kihyun, like not a day has passed since he first left. Hyungwon still feels awkward, waits for Kihyun to announce that he found someone. To shatter any hope Hyungwon was desperately holding to.

 

“Why are you doing this to yourself?” Kihyun steps out to the balcony of Jooheon’s house, where Hyungwon is sitting alone while everyone else is partying. “Why are you doing this to me.” He says, softer.

Kihyun lifts his arm, as if he’s about to caress Hyungwon, but at the last moment he tucks his hand in his pocket.

Hyungwon doesn’t answer. The music comes muffled from inside the house and he feels cold, his breath coming out in small white clouds.

“You’re not trying, but you’re not turning me down either.” Kihyun sniffs, wrapping his scarf tighter around his neck. “I don’t know what to make of it.”

“I thought you’d find someone.” Hyungwon whispers. “At university.” The thought seems so stupid now that Kihyun is actually in front of him. Kihyun who always looked at Hyungwon like he had galaxies in his eyes. “I’m sorry.”

“I’ve gotten so tired Hyungwon.” Kihyun leans back on the railing, looking at the dark horizon. “You used to want to be so close to me. Is it gone now?”

“No” Hyungwon takes a step closer to Kihyun. Close enough to almost feel his body warmth. “Not at all. It’s all still here.”

“They why has talking to you gotten so difficult?” Kihyun sounds almost angry, but Hyungwon knows. He knows that it’s Kihyun putting up his walls because he doesn’t want to get hurt. Because Kihyun deep down is the most emotional man Hyungwon has met.

“I thought you’d leave me” Hyungwon repeats himself, more desperately this time.

Kihyun seems to break little by little. Like when they were younger and Hyungwon scraped his knees falling from his bike and Kihyun rushed to patch him up.

“But I didn’t” Kihyun cups Hyungwon’s cheeks, “I’m here.” His hands find Hyungwon’s collar to gently tug him down so their eyes will be on the same lever. “I told you, you are unforgettable.”

Hyungwon is the first to lean in, desperate to taste the cheap alcohol and the city air on Kihyun’s lips. They are familiar as ever, fitting against Hyungwon’s like they belong there.

Making out on Jooheon’s balcony, the party still going on inside but the two of them getting lost in their own small world. It’s like nothing has changed, because they’ve found themselves in this exact situation too many times before.

Hyungwon decides to kiss Kihyun like it’s the last time, every time.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!


End file.
